Rationale: Does s/he have grit (which is important for success)? Is s/he going to be good at repairing your bond after you’ve had an argument? Do you know when you’re feeling hurt, lonely, sad, ashamed/embarrassed etc?
I would much rather explore and examine, from the perspective of being on the other side of the experience, not just what I want, but what I want, even though relationship experts generally encourage focus on the positive.Married at 28, with a history of multiple relationships prior, widowed at 40, following a 12 year “paradoxical marriage,” I have been ostensibly single for nearly 16 years, with the exception of a few short term relationships and friends with benefits interactions.I could chalk it up to fear of loss and re-creating the worst dynamics of my marriage, analysis paralysis about what I did that contributed to some of the dysfunction in that decade plus two, regret and shame about some of my choices, raising my son as a single parent, experimenting with relationship paradigm options, re-inventing myself, busy-ness with life stuff, focusing on career building and at times, truly enjoying being single and now that my son is an adult, making choices that primarily affect only me.From socializing to vacations to sex to household and financial roles and responsibilities, getting a clearer picture of expectations tells you whether or not you and your partner’s desires match up. For example, some people want to live near their family. Where you live has a direct impact on your lifestyle and consequently can make for a happier or more stressed existence.Dates can be either the most exciting or the most stomach-churning experience a person can have while trying to get to know someone.